Recipe for Detention
by Flaming Quilltips
Summary: Lily's mouth twitched for a second as if she was going to laugh. – OotP. Lily had a sense of humor. Sirius had a plan up his sleeve. It All Started With Puffskein Poo.


"I can't believe you!" whispered Lily furiously.

Being squashed inside a broom cupboard up against Hogwart's most unpredictable troublemaker, with something pointy sticking into her back, was not how she envisioned her first evening as a prefect. If only she had not been lazy, and taken the longer route back to the common room, she wouldn't have found herself in this predicament. Sirius Black was peering out through a crack on the side of the cupboard.

"Sirius!" she hissed urgently.

"What?" He turned to her distractedly, a crease on his forehead.

"What am I doing here?" she tried to cross her arms indignantly, hitting her elbow on a shelf in the process.

"You almost walked into a trap. Do you want to go out there and take the blame for a couple of Puffskeins destroying Filch's office? Be my guest!" he grinned obnoxiously.

Lily smiled in spite of herself. "But we just got off the train! How did you -?"

"Dear ol' Hagrid!" replied Sirius, flicking his hair out of his eyes. "Shh! Someone's coming." He cut in as Lily opened her mouth to speak.

A couple of minutes passed in silence as Sirius resumed peering through the crack while Lily inhaled a mouthful of cobwebs and tried to suppress a cough, much to Sirius' annoyance.

"Just a couple of Ravenclaws returning from the Feast," he whispered relieved. A pause followed as he again examined the corridor. "I think we're good to go. When we get out, make a dash for the staircase on the left. Don't look back. And don't turn if someone calls your name. If anything, run faster."

"You're making me nervous," frowned Lily.

"Well, don't be," he supplied, shrugging. Lily rolled her eyes.

"After you," he opened the door with a sweeping gesture and a mock-bow.

Lily stepped out, eyes darting around warily. Closing the closet door behind him, Sirius suddenly stood very still and attentive, like a dog cocking its ears to catch a sound. Sure enough, there was a scuffle from inside Filch's office.

" _Run_!" hissed Sirius, sprinting down the corridor with Lily close behind him. He reached the stairs and started to take two at a time. "Watch out for that -" he panted, turning to point at a trick-stair two steps below him.

It was too late, Lily's foot had sunk into it. Behind her he could hear Filch's voice growing closer.

"That _Oaf_! _Puffskeins_ \- Dumbledore can't ignore-"

"Can you get out?" urged Sirius, tugging at her hand.

"Not quick enough," whispered Lily frantically.

Sirius looked around wildly, thinking fast. Filch's muttering were growing louder. He was just around the bend when –

"The Disillusionment charm!" suggested Lily hoarsely.

Sirius stared at her for a split second. "Brilliant!" he muttered, awed, pulling out his wand quickly and tapping Lily on the head. She shivered lightly as the sensation of cold water trickled down her back and looked up to see a transparent blur on the staircase where Sirius was supposed to have been. Filch went straight ahead muttering wildly, glancing up the stairway and noticing nothing abnormal.

Lily heaved a sigh of relief as his mutterings grew softer. She pulled out her wand and lifted the charm on both of them. Sirius helped free her foot from the stair.

"Wait!" Lily stopped Sirius with her hand, "We still have some time!"

"For what?" asked Sirius confused.

"Filch is going to be a while. We can still put stink pellets in his office!" her eyes glinted mischievously.

"How did you -?" Sirius gaped at her.

"Oh, I heard you and Remus talking at the feast," she admitted cheekily, leading the way down the stairs.

They emerged from Filch's office a few minutes later, holding their noses. Lily's face was red from all the excitement while Sirius was shaking his head in disbelief.

"Black! Evans!"

Sirius and Lily froze.

Sirius swore under his breath and Lily braced herself.

"Yes Professor McGonagall?" she asked, making her voice sound as innocent as she could.

"What are you both doing here? The feast ended a while ago." She raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"Hey Professor Minnie, we were just - " started Sirius jovially.

"It's Professor _McGonagall_ ," said McGonagall coldly, the sides of her mouth twitching.

Sirius closed his open mouth. Lily had a sudden urge to laugh, but didn't.

"I've just had the strangest account from Filch. Would both of you care to explain?"

"I'm sure Professor that dear old Filch is just -"

"Professor," cut in Lily before Sirius could irk McGonagall any further, "We heard Filch yelling regarding some Puffskeins in his office, and we thought we could help." She said breathlessly.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows at Lily, who was determined not to waver under her reprimanding look. "How does helping involve you both smelling like stink pellets?"

Lily's heart sank. She _knew_.

"Puffskein poo!" piped up Sirius without missing a beat.

McGonagall turned her gaze on him as if in slow motion. "Puffskein _poo_?" her tone that of dangerous disbelief.

"Yes Professor, Puffskein poo," he repeated firmly, "Hagrid told me that they're really smelly, but wonderful fertilizers for Professor Sprout's geraniums. They must have pooped in Filch's room." He finished smoothly.

McGonagall's sharp eyes bored into him so fiercely that Lily was amazed he didn't flinch. She looked from Sirius to Lily, who tried to arrange her face into a look of polite agreement.

"Very well," she said after a while, "Since you both so _kindly_ wanted to help out Filch, and seeing young Mr. Black's alarming knowledge about Puffskein Poo - " she pursed her lips at this point, "- you both can help at Professor Sprout's fertilizer dump tomorrow."

Lily's mouth fell open. Was she being given detention?

"But Professor, how does that help Filch?" pointed out Sirius.

"Would you rather serve another detention to help clean out his office Mr. Black?" retorted McGonagall coldly.

Sirius kept his mouth shut for once.

"Very well, get back to your dormitories you two." She turned to Lily and added, "Ms. Evans, I hope this won't set a precedent for the rest of your prefect tenure." Lily nodded, looking at her feet.

"Wasn't that fun Evans," chuckled Sirius as they made their way to the common room.

"You _would_ find it amusing," she replied grudgingly. "I can't believe you got me a detention. On my first day as a prefect," she pouted.

"You're the one who wanted to go back," accused Sirius, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Well," she began as they turned around the bend to face the Fat Lady. "It would have been a shame to leave the job unfinished wouldn't it?" an impish grin lighting up her eyes.

"I'm impressed Evans. Maybe we should consider recruiting you as a Marauder," he said seriously, "We could use a prefect on our side."

"I thought that's what Remus was for," pointed out Lily.

"Moony's one of us. Everyone knows that," he said dismissively, "you, on the other hand, could be our secret weapon," he remarked gleefully.

"Thanks Black, But I think I'll pass," she said laughing lightly. "Goodnight!"

"Night Evans. And take a shower, you stink!" he chuckled, sprinting up the stairs before Lily could retort angrily.

As she walked up to her dorm, she couldn't help grinning. It was just so much fun hanging with Sirius, and the lot. They weren't brooding or serious. They always made everyone laugh and made it so much easier to accept the reality that was dooming down outside the walls of the castle. Remus, she thought with a smile, was always mistaken to be the quiet, responsible one. She was one of the privileged few privy to the fact that he was the mastermind behind most of their tricks. And Peter, Peter was just so Peter. There was nothing complicated about him. Lily couldn't help comparing them to Severus. Severus was heavy. And dark. Lately she had been feeling they had less and less in common. He kept trying to make her feel guilty for talking to Potter's gang.

Potter.

She had carefully avoided thinking about him. Especially on a first name basis. What was it with Potter that made her life so complicated? _It's not Potter, it's you,_ a snide voice (sounding very much like Marlene) whispered in her head. Potter was funny, clever, and despite his arrogance, very easy to talk to. She remembered the other day when she had been crying alone in a classroom after a fight with Severus. It had started with something mundane, her lending her notes to Sirius. Potter had walked up to her, and somehow he had known all the right things to say, even though she hadn't really told him what the problem was. The very next hour he was seen calling out rude names to Severus. _How could someone so perceptive be so obtuse?_ Severus obviously expected Lily to take his side, and rightly so. Potter could try to make things easier for her. But he had only scoffed when she had suggested this to him. To him it seemed to make no difference if Lily talked to him or not. Despite what Severus claimed, Lily didn't think Potter fancied her in the least. Potter had made it very clear that he couldn't care less about their friendship, if at all he considered them friends in the first place. Lily sighed as she snuggled under her sheets, fluffing her pillow beneath her head. She didn't hate Potter. She would even enjoy being mates with him. _But is it possible to do that without betraying Sev?_ Her head felt fuzzy. Thinking about Potter always gave her a headache. Lily rolled over to her side and hugged her pillow, firmly putting James Potter out of her head

* * *

"I can't _believe_ this!" muttered Lily glumly, for the second time in two days.

Lily and Sirius were knee deep in a roped off swamp behind Greenhouse 4. They had to turn over the dump to expose the lower layers to the sun. Sirius had rolled up his sleeves and was curiously examining a dead doxy stuck to the surface. Lily's nose was crinkled up in disgust.

"Here, take a turn at this," said Sirius handing over the powdered herbs he was supposed to be sprinkling over the surface. Lily took it from him sulkily, wishing she had never gone along with Sirius's crazy plan.

"So," he started conversationally, "Did you reconsider my offer yesterday? Nobody would suspect you. Think of the possibilities," he said excitedly.

"No, _thank_ you." She rolled her eyes.

"Not even to spend some time with James?" Sirius asked snidely.

"Why would I want to put myself through that?" she replied disdainfully, trying to ignore the blush creeping up her neck.

"Just out of curiosity," started Sirius changing tracks at the speed of lightening, "what's the deal with you and James?"

A quick glance at Sirius told Lily he had been burning to ask this for a while. _Did Potter put him up to this?_ She wondered.

"What do you mean?" Lily turned away from Sirius to hide her reaction.

"Your hot and cold act. One day you're all pals with him and the next day you give him the cold shoulder."

Lily didn't respond, pretending to be busily raking up the leaves around the dump. She could feel Sirius looking at her intently. "Well," she started, "He's nice, and a good friend, but I just can't stand some of the things he does," she finished firmly.

"I bet greaseball asked you to stay away from us," sneered Sirius.

Lily whipped her head around, her eyes flashing, "Don't call Sev that! However nice James may be on the inside, Sev is my best friend and I'm sticking by him."

"Spoken like a true Gryffindor," commented Sirius, "but you have to admit there's something weird about Sniv- that kid," changing the last word hurriedly seeing the look on Lily's face.

"Don't judge by what you see!" she retorted crossly.

"I could say the same to you!" Sirius shot back without missing a beat.

Lily opened her mouth as if to say something, then thought the better of it. "Do you remember the first day we met?" she asked instead.

"Sure. You were this obnoxious little red-head with a whole lot of attitude. You never spoke to me or James for the entire first year." He smirked.

"Well, I had a reason for feeling crappy. My sister, who I had adored for 10 years, had just called me a freak. All because I was a witch and she wasn't" Lily smiled wryly, "Sev was there for me that day. He was there for me before Hogwarts. He was my friend first," she said as if that settled the matter.

Sirius noticed her eyes were suddenly very bright. "For what it's worth, siblings aren't always what they're cut out to be," he said gently, displaying uncharacteristic sensitivity, "Reg and I were really close too, and then he just wasn't there anymore," he sighed.

Lily saw something she had never seen in his usually cocky face – bitterness, with a hint of…longing?

"You have your friends don't you? Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew?" she said softly.

"Yeah, and they make up for every shit that I go through," his face rearranged so quickly that Lily wondered if she had imagined his vulnerability.

"And Sev makes up for mine." Lily added, raising her chin.

"You can't deny that he's a slimy git-" Sirius declared bluntly. Lily opened her mouth angrily but he cut in, "He doesn't have the courage to face us. His idea of revenge is to sneak on us to the professors." He scowled in disgust.

"Sev is not like that!" she replied loyally, but couldn't help feeling that Sirius was right.

"Right," he scoffed.

"He's not a coward," she insisted, "he just doesn't want to stoop to your level," she finished haughtily.

"Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?" he scorned, "because that's a load of _Puffskein Poo,_ if you please."

"Well, I'd rather be friends with a coward than a bully," she replied coldly.

"Brr… it's getting chilly down here," mocked Sirius letting out a bark like laugh. She turned away from him huffily. "Come on, Evans," he nudged her with his elbow.

"Would you be friends with someone who humiliated Potter all the time?" she turned to face him angrily.

"Of course not," agreed Sirius fairly, "But it wouldn't matter. Prongs knows to stand up for himself."

"Alright, Pettigrew then," she supplied undeterred, folding her arms crossly across her chest.

"Don't underestimate Wormtail," said Sirius darkly.

"You don't get it," she said, exasperated as he laughed again.

"Evans, Snivelley is sneaky and underhand, but he is not stupid. Being honest, I'll say he knows more spells than any of us, but he never lets on. If I had to guess, I'd say he keeps playing the victim to get your sympathy. He knows your friendship wouldn't last otherwise."

"That's not true!" her cheeks turned scarlet.

"Snape is slimy, Evans, and possessive about you. Everyone knows that," declared Sirius.

Lily opened her mouth automatically to retort but found herself momentarily stunned by his forthrightness.

Raising his eyebrows he continued "Are you honestly telling me that your behavior, especially towards Prongs, is all on you, and has nothing to do with Snape?"

Lily avoided his gaze, torn between her loyalty to Severus and honesty to herself. "Well - " she started hesitatingly, "I know Potter isn't as bad as Sev makes him out to be. But you can hardly expect Sev to be objective in this case. If you lot could just stop _bullying_ him…" she implored.

Sirius scoffed. Lily was very much reminded of the way James had responded when she had suggested the same to him.

"I have to give it to that greasy git. He's manipulated you so well that you're taking on his opinions instead of forming your own." He shook his head in disbelief, "James might be a little arrogant, but he is honorable. Unlike your _Severus._ " he curled his lip in disgust.

At the mention of James' name, something Severus had said to her earlier suddenly came to her mind.

"Does Potter, you know, _fancy_ me or something?" she asked abruptly, trying to ignore the fact that her heart rate that seemed to have picked up. She found herself holding her breath.

Sirius didn't turn around at once. He seemed to be weighing his words. For a second Lily wished she hadn't said anything.

"I think a girl always knows what a guy feels about her," he said finally.

"Which is?" prompted Lily, a little irritated, but trying not to sound too eager.

"Damned if I knew," Sirius' tone suddenly light. Lily sensed he knew more than he let on, and was debating if she should press further. "This is gross," he commented, wrinkling his nose as he unearthed rotten decaying pulp.

Lily decided it was time to turn the tables a little. "So," started Lily, not unlike Sirius himself had done few minutes back, "What's the deal with you and Addie?"

"Who? Selwyn? There's no _deal,"_ he said quickly. A little too quickly.

Lily looked at him sharply. "Are you guys together, or-" she trailed off suggestively.

"Adhara Selwyn and I are just friends," he said firmly. "Our families have known each other for ages," he added.

"Friends who sleep together?" Lily raised her eyebrows disapprovingly.

"It's called Friends With Benefits. Look it up," he replied airily.

"I know what it's _called,"_ she said indignantly, "but are you sure you can handle that? Addie's tough, Sirius. She doesn't get attached. But you are-"

"- the same," interrupted Sirius with a tone of finality.

Lily looked intently at him but didn't pursue. The next few minutes elapsed in silence. Lily's head was still reeling from Sirius' perspicacity regarding her and Severus. Much to the contrary, he had been non-committal when it came to James.

"Do you think I should talk to Potter?" she asked tentatively.

"About what?"

"About, _you know_ , what I asked you," her face growing hot with each word, "I mean if he could _just leave Sev alone_ \- " she implored.

"You'd go out with him?" interjected Sirius, looking at her scornfully, "You really don't get it do you," he said shaking his head.

"Then enlighten me, won't you?" she asked, bemused. W _hat did he mean by 'go out with him'? Did Potter fancy her? Or was it just a throwaway remark?_

"That's not my job Evans," he replied carelessly, turning away from her, "Go sort out your own feelings before you bother Prongs about his."

"Fat lot of help you are," she muttered glumly, sticking out her tongue at him.

"Very mature," he laughed, amused. "You know Evans," an idea dawned on him suddenly, "I bet if we could take some of this gross stuff back to the castle, it would be a good way to-"

"Forget it!" Lily threw her arms up, "No more getting sucked into your tricks! _I'm a prefect_!" she snarled.

Sirius rolled his eyes, and when she wasn't looking conjured a jar and filled it with some swamp contents.

* * *

" _You_ set off the mice during History of Magic?" asked Lily shaking her head, "Why am I not surprised?"

"That was James. But I was the one who stole them from McGonagall's classroom," he admitted proudly.

"I still remember the way Dorcas jumped, shrieking her head off. Poor Binns! I've never seen him so startled! He looked almost alive!" Lily went into peals of laughter.

They reached the doors of the castle, talking and laughing.

"Right," said Sirius as they drew near a flight of stairs, "This is where we part," he said sticking out his hand solemnly.

"Git," Lily giggled, "you're just going to sneak some food from the kitchens aren't you?"

"I'm hungry," he said simply. "Any requests?"

"Some doughnuts? And don't get caught! Today's Longbottom's turn for rounds," she cautioned, climbing up the stairs.

"Evans," he called out. She turned to him quizzically. "Don't let someone else define your friendships," he said seriously, "If you want to be mates or more than that with Prongs, nobody else should make you feel guilty about it. You should be with someone who has a sense of humor. Merlin knows we need a good laugh, especially now. People are dropping dead as we speak. Snape may be your best friend. But we've all shared a common room for the past five years. We've all got the same agenda," he insisted. He looked into her distressed face and sighed, "I'm just saying, you shouldn't have to give up everything to make Snape happy. And he isn't a very good friend if he expects you to."

Lily nodded, her head buzzing as it usually did when she had to think about Snape and Potter. She gave a small smile and departed wordlessly, her ears ringing with his words.

Sirius shoved his hands into his pocket. He strolled down the hall, past the portrait with the bowl of fruit and turned around the bend to enter the dungeons. He withdrew his hands from the pocket, producing the jar of fertilizer he had nicked and walked straight to the front rows, to the place he knew Snape usually sat, eyes glinting impishly. _Double potions with Slytherins first thing tomorrow,_ he thought gleefully.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 _So it's just a light, fluffy one-shot, but marks a quite important turn of events. Sirius makes Lily introspect her relationship with Snape, maybe finally admit her feelings for James. But we all know that doesn't happen till 7th year and this is just their fifth. But I believe that it didn't happen all of a sudden._

 _So what did you all think about it? I'd love to hear any suggestions or CCs that come along the way! Also, This is an off shoot of the series I'm writing - Once Upon The Marauders that follows these guys from Year1to 7 completely. I just wanted to give a sneak peek into the future._


End file.
